Saturday, February 13, 2016

The Greatest Gift

Therapy and not having my mind in a negative cloud 24/7 has taught me many things. I lived with people who tormented me all my life, and projected their own irrational behavior onto me, making me believe that I actually was the crazy one. To the point where I lost my sense of self, my self-esteem, my self respect and had no reason to live anymore because everything I was told was false, but didn't realize I couldn't trust the people closest to me.Therapy cracked open the shell of negativity that surrounded me.
The death of my father brought me a sigh of relief, because the world felt a little less evil without him in it. I've grown to be more confident than I ever thought I could be, I was man enough to extend my hand in friendship to the relatives that abused me, only for them to project their irrational behavior onto me again.This time it was different. They thought doing what they normally do, and telling me I'm just like my father, and that I'm crazy and need counseling because my behavior is concerning would break me, and make me fold into the vulnerable person they once saw me as. But even in their screwed up world, they said they still missed me and wanted me back in their life.This time, after all the projection and hate and blame thrown at me, I stood firm. It didn't hurt me, it didn't phase me. I responded by simply saying,
I'm done with absorbing your punishment, you say you want me in your lives and you say you miss me. I'm not asking for respect, this time I demand it, because I've been your victim for too long. If respect is something you cannot give then I do not need you, I've learned to live my life without a biological family. I have people in my life that care about me, and want me to do well.After telling my mother that I wouldn't let her project her negative personality onto me, she said these words "As of this moment, I now disown you." And as of today, that was the greatest gift she's ever given me.

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